so those elite pple have alr gotten acceptance from the Us and well, im still waiting for mine, hopefully.

cant help feeling anxious about it but i know i wont die from not getting accepted BUT. it'll suck big time. anyhow, i need to have some sort of backup plan BUT i dont wanna think about it now.

okay, abrupt end. hahaha

im dead tired cos i had to shuffle between amk and hougang, tsktsk. but well, i felt pretty useful since im finally getting a grasp of operations etc. i hope they dont continue doing this stupid last minute shuffling. >(

anyway, i was so motivated to iron my clothes, fold the laundry once ive showered and reached home. so stop using being busy studying as a bloody excuse. it's not as if im lazing arnd at home AND you practically spend the weekend honeymooning with you know who. im sorry if this comes out kinda harshly but some things are meant to be said and i hope you get to read this. remember, never take anything/anyone for granted. and yes, i may be far from perfect but i know what i have to do. (i sound like sksk *pokes wantou*)

wednesday which also means, mid-week! life kinda sucks since im just counting days till the end of the contract before deciding my next move. blahhh

finally met up with FAMILY (minus CS) to celebrate limin's 20th. lucy, you have about 6 more hours to mentally prepare yourself, hahaha.

had dinner at mysg, was glad that they like the food there though the menu's kinda limited (in my opinion). and bakerzin's strawberry shortcake's yum! ((:

stanven drove us to bowen after all but we were denied access cos we werent part of the boys brigade. hahaha. went over to lm's house after that where they mahjong-ed a bit while i stoned/watched tv. xiao xiao bin is soooo cute.

anyhow, travel plan's more or less scrapped :( but congrats of getting the job, va!

p.s i dont know what to do with my life. mid-life crisis alr?

i know ive a tumblr account (with a better layout as well) but im totally emotionally attached to blogspot. 4 years and counting. so i'll still blog here and reblog there.

work's been fine. i need to stop being such a scatterbrain, forgetting this and that. the PSAs & radiographers are awesomely nice. i hope i wont be transferred to another branch once the busy period is over but i'll still be mentally prepared. sighhh.

besides this, nothing much. weather sucks though :x

what an abrupt end to a random post, hehe

p.s i need decent tops!

hiiii, ive started work for a grand total of...2 days. just feeling thankful for having some meagre income.

anyway! ive got a tumblr as well, partly cos im bored and i think those postcards or whatever you call them are pretty awesome. they're able to describe how i used to feel, am feeling, etc.

TGIF. half day tmr before buffet dinner. yummm

im officially done with school/exams. wellwell, the papers didnt really go well but im still hoping for the best. *fingers crossed*

this year's CNY was blahhh but at least i didnt pick up my books till chu san cos what's CNY when you're busy cramming everything into that puny brain? so basically, did housevisiting, collected ang baos, managed to escape questions cos my sister 'stole' the limelight by falling down the bicycle and having wounds all over. naturally, the focus was on her. hahaha.

and ethan was such a darling, grooving madly to Wonder Girl's Nobody on CNYE. i'd like to share two incidents,

Incident 1.

my aunt, S asked ethan to give a call to another aunt, K to ask her to come over to my gran's with kyan. the conversation goes,

S: ethan (E), give aunt K a call and ask her to come over with kyan for reunion dinner

E: *hesitates* if aunt K says she doesnt want to come then how? (!!!)

maybe there's nothing to be surprised about but he's like, only 3 years and 3 months old.

Incident 2.

ethan likes playing puzzle bobble/bubble on my phone and i happened to forget bringing it out twice in a row (CNYE and chu yi)

E: jie jie, where's your phone?

me: omg, i forgot to bring again (i think i didnt realize, hahaha)

E: you forgot again?!?! *accusing tone*

my sister and i were like, :O !! HAHAHA

okay, i shall end this post abruptly here. the renovation work next door's gonna start again. i shall not grumble since it only started after my exams and im more than thankful for that.

i need a friggin job but i dont know how and where to start searching, siannn

awwww

if you think that year 3 is so easy to manage, screw off.
if you think im always on the com just to chat and do nonsense, screw off.

and fyi, whenever i head out, it is to school but not to lovey dovey with my boyfriend (i dont even have one). so, stop bloody accusing me of not helping with the housework. i dont even have time for myself. but there's no way i can tell you without either of us blowing up and i guess there's still this decency in me left to just hear whatever nasty things you wanna say. yeah, continue ranting, im not that guilty yet to do smth about it. if there's one thing in the world i hate other than exams, it would be doing housework. and yes, ive just spent the past 10mins ranting on my blog, so sue me. and before anyone tells me school is over, yes it is. but i still have one report due and three exams to sit for.

and to this other person who's being doing nothing but going to 'school' (only the second week, im in my bloody FINAL sem) and meeting her darling, please do some serious thinking. you pissed her off and i have to get your shit. remember, karma will get you. and DONT tell me that you're injured and all that bull, if you were to stay at home and catch up on school, that would not have happened. yes, im this pissed. i would love to say this to your face but why risk getting more bull on my face?

CNY eve and i feel like crap, thank you very much

As we grow up things change. It is tougher to
be happy. We want
more
from life, we expect more from people. We lose more.
We are not the same
anymore. It is tougher to believe. Tougher to dream.
Tougher to be that
kid who
wanted to fly high in the sky like an eagle, or a
hawk, or just
any bird. It is
tougher to be.

so very true huh. but much facebook group says, we may not be close
or talk anymore but i wouldnt forget what we used to share. whoa, im damn reflective
today.

today's a day, E DAY went pretty well,
logged onto facebook
and saw va's video
for me (thank youuu!).

2 more weeks or so to freedom. i cant believe it but at the same
time, im dreading
exams. i just have this unexplainable fear for them :(


p.s oh and ethan said i love you to me thrice. i dont care if he meant it anot. hehehe

this excerpt is taken from jan 26th's edition of mypaper under viewpoint titled 'eternal sunshine of the grateful mind'.

'changing our focus to one of gratitude instead of complaint is like taking a deep breath consciously, filling yourself with fresh air and clearing yourself of the toxicity of discontent.'

it's a tu lan/ xia lan period for me. academic and monetary wise and despite it all, im still very thankful for what i have. family, friends, a nice house to return to, being well fed (AHEM), etc. and i guess i need constant reminder of them but i know.

gogogo!

happy 20th to esmond, soh wei xiang, zaki & myself!

i think i'll be reminded of them for the rest of my life cos of obvious reasons. haha

anyway, FAMILY celebrated with me on the eve, yesterday. met up, drove to portsdown but everywhere was fully booked. it didnt occur to us to make a reservation. thats such a adult thing to do. hahaha. anyhow, headed down to dempsey. surprisingly, there were seats for us at House for we settled there for dinner. by then it was alr 9plus.

had mushroom risotto and i honestly didnt really like it cos firstly, they used goat cheese which was too heavy for my liking and well, the whole dish was too heavy, taste wise. but the awesome company very well made up for it. ((: they order the dark chocolate cake and got the lovely staff to sing happy birthday to me. initially they thought it was char's bday but close, since she turned 19 less than a month back. T_T oh and the candles were un-blowable, if you know what i mean. we had to wait and wait and wait before they fizzled.

shared the cake, took a group photo and went separate ways, clubbers went clubbing, good girls and boy went home. lol.

.

dinner with porkchop gang later, cant wait!

p.s photos will be up on fb in a few days or so? (:

and like what i posted as my fb status, for my 20th, i pray to God for health & happiness for my family and friends. likewise for me, plus to be a better daughter and friend.

On this day, God wants you to know...
that God is there for you to hold on. Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your faith, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to God's hand.

i'll so need this to pull through my final sem. note to self: i can and i will!

had a super satisfying dinner at Soup Spoon. bread bowl ftw! caught a good movie as well. ((:

my main purpose to compose a new post is to jot the GWYTK quote down.

p.s i want more bread bowl!!

im a fan of this fb app, God Wants You to Know and i tend to click on it every morning i log onto fb. i'll like to share the message i got today,

On this day, God wants you to know...

that you don't go to find meaning in life, you bring meaning to your life. Meaning isn't something out there waiting for you to discover. The meaning of your life is what you infuse it with - beauty or ugliness, happiness or sadness. It is totally your choice, and God wants it to be your choice because God gave you free will.

i have looked at it from this point of view, i remember all the times we ponder about the real/true meaning in life and we'd want to be able to find it soon in time but alas, it makes sense. we dont find it, we bring it to our lives. enlightened much? (:

p.s im learning to count my blessings and every single one of them keeps me going.

p.p.s and tada! 5th of jan already.

662nd post and the first post of 2010!

for me, it was a super simple affair. stay home and k drama all the way,hah. though what i had in mind was a quiet chill-out session with peggy and shu qin.

ive got this sudden urge to celebrate New Year elsewhere. like Times Square or Seoul or Tokyo. my travel itch is acting up againnn. i told myself, i HAVE to go to S.Korea this year. oh by the way, im madly chasing this Korean drama, Cruel Temptation. the plot's just captivating, even my dad's hooked. it says alot since he's the kind who only watches documentaries and news.

sofi (fi jie) treated us to lunch at HK Cafe. had century egg congee for the first time and im sold. it tastes really good, especially with a generous dose of sesame oil. wanted to shop but was too lazy (some things never change) to travel all the way to town.

oh and no new year resolutions cos, we all know why. haha. but like va, i need to see the dentist for scaling and polishing (red alert!).

1) be a better daughter
2) get decent grades for sem 3.2 (i need lotsa faith and strength for this)
3) spend time with ethan, whether he likes it or not. hahaha. he's growing up way too fast, gonna attend kindergarten this year alr.
4) put in effort in meeting up with friends
5) TRAVEL. please please please let S.Korea'2010 happen

and i think it's pretty safe to say that my first day of 2010 was pretty good. looking forward to meet up with FAMILY (plus erika!) next week.

and last but not least and most importantly, if you are reading this post, i want to thank you and everyone else for being kind, patient with me and please continue to do so! collect good karma points ((:

and i know i have a lot to learn in terms of being a better friend. trying! <3

as far as i know, 2009 has not been a good year. not for me, not for (some of) my friends and definitely not for the world - earthquakes, floods, hurricanes etc.

reading back on my 2008 EOY post, i totally agree that 2008 was totally forgettable. i tried recalling recently but there wasnt even anything memorable about it but i think i did had a pretty good 18th. hah. and here's the hilarious part, i wrote that 2009 seemed promising. yeah, promising indeed. 2009 promised me hell.

come to think of it, 2009 aint all that bad. let me make a list of my firsts for 2009,

1. doing attachment for 6 whole months (FO,Reservations,HSKP,F&B)
2. made lotsa friends during these 6 months
3. found someone whom i can totally talk to (psst, thank you, though we're not that close already. hmmmm)
4. touch screen phone (okay, lame)
5. drank till i puke (not proud of it, wouldnt do it again)
6. traveled with friends (fi jie & wan tou <3)
7. to BKK (which was mad awesome)
8. had maple syrup together with hotcakes (and actually kinda like it)
9. wore a friggin bikini
10. stayed at a local hotel (swissotel the stamford, yo! & novotel, though i didnt stay overnight)

hmm, and a couple more which are better off reversed.

on a side note, i feel that i ought to apologise to this particular someone, W. there's no way he'll see this so it's kinda pointless but im really sorry things turned out this way. i would love to apologise to him face to face but i guess he'll brush it off so... anyhow! i need to apologise to myself as well. ive let the devil side of me unleashed way too many times this year. for 2010, i want to be wiser, have more self control AND be more level headed.

and some things remained the same, ethan's still as adorable, FAMILY made effort to meet up at least once every month, missing BWSS etcetc

as for 2010, i wish for health and happiness for my family, friends and myself. the rest can wait. (:

p.s oh and i cant believe im gonna welcome 2010 being fat, ugly and broke.

finally went lingerie shopping today. bought 3 bras and 5 undies, i sound like an auntie and this sentence rhymes. LOL. so i got wired bras which i disliked but shu qin talked me into getting them, moreover, they're easier to find lah. those without wires are erm, training bras which are obviously too small for me. ahem.

and somehow, im a B cup. not proud or anything cos the boobs havent been growing since i dont know when so i reckon it's my chest width thats growing. was texting char and apparently she was doing some lingerie shopping too.

and i think ive figured the best timing for shopping on weekends - between 1130 to 1530. cos when you take the public transport back, you can actually get seats.

p.s im kinda looking forward to my 20th (i accidentally typed 19th, lol) cos i really need erm, either cash or clothes. so if anyone sees this and intends to get me smth, tell me okay! advance bday gifts will be kinda nice. hehe

merry christmas!

this christmas was spent at home, watching music and lyrics which i find erm, mediocre. 3 out of 5 stars for it. then it was dinner with my paternal side of the family. ethan sweetheart was there, of course and being his adorable self as usual. had cake cutting session at grans' house to celebrate my grandma's 73rd birthday. i dont know, somehow i feel kinda sad that im never close to any of my cousins. it just feels like a bunch of strangers sitting arnd having dinner. i wonder why im so bothered by it since it's been this way ever since dont know when. oh well.

picture of the day. it's so sweet, isnt it?

i seek solace in a hot cuppa green tea, some sugar biscuits and a novel.

impromptu lunch with cs was good though he claimed that his creamy chicken pasta was tasteless. he had to leave for work after that so i was left with nothing to do. supposed to meet peggy but there werent many quiet places to go on a weekend. so i walked and walked from dhoby ghaut to the national library. got some books and then took the bus home. judging from this entry,it does seem kinda sad - no life. but ive come to accept it and im okay with that. home on a weekend, why not?

so yeah, at least biscuits,tea and novels dont disappoint. for now, im not gonna initiate any meet ups with anyone (other than FAMILY, khrisha, sofi & wan tou) cos i dont see the point. even a teeny bit of effort shows - and i think ive tried, and failed repeatedly. and you know how when we give smth up, it comes back? we shall see.

im not being bitter (or maybe i am), but sometimes, the best way to protect yourself is to build a wall around you.

this movie, affected/touched me to the extent of me crying even after the movie ended. it made me realized how bad i have been towards my parents.

my mum, she prepares breakfast for me everyday, she used to even cook and then send lunch right to my school on her bicycle almost everyday, she always remembers what i ask her to get. her memory amazes me, some times what i asked for till she told me that she has gotten it. of course, there are many more.

my dad, ive never heard him put anyone down - ever. and ive never ever heard him complain about his work either. and definitely never heard him grumble about being tired after work and the likes.

and on my part, i havent given them alot, maybe except for decent results. perhaps thats why im feeling so guilty and bad after watching the movie. im sniffling as i type this, great.

and i shall dedicate this post to my amazing parents. i finally realized one more thing that im certain of in life - to repay them (i know, we owe them too much to even talk about repaying) and try my best never to make them worry.

ahh, i guess im growing up.

i dont know why i like to self-destruct. i think to talk to someone about this, but i dont wish to talk about it. contradicting much?